


Fister Gets Framed For the Murder of Old Man Jenkins

by shirpwhy



Category: Not Us - Fandom
Genre: a very complex inside joke that you get no context for, this is intentionally shitty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-04-25 18:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14384862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirpwhy/pseuds/shirpwhy
Summary: A fucking disaster





	1. Old Man Jenkins Dies

It was raining. Fister ran into his local Taco Bell for a Snack. It was 4 a.m. and the only person in the building was Old Man Jenkins, running the cash register. He was ready to die at any moment. Fister heely'd over to the counter and ordered the Bitch Burrito, an item on the secret menu. Old Man Jenkins served Fister his burrito and instantly collapsed onto the ground. Fister ate his burrito. Fister was now alone in the Taco Bell at 4 a.m.

the sound a doorbell makes

Fister was no longer alone in the Taco Bell at 4 a.m. 

It was Len, short for Lenjamin.

Len ran into the Taco Bell looking for wisdom from God. 

But all Len found was the body of Old Man Jenkins. Covered in taco fillings and Fister's money. 

Fister was now doing the macarena. 

Len cried like the bitch he is and ran. The Friendly Local Neighborhood Old Man was dead. Who would fill that role? No one would. Because no one could ever replace Old Man Jenkins. Len ran in the endless parking lot void of rainy darkness and eventually found light. It was the combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell. Len ran in hoping to find someone to call the police. But he only found the dead body of Old Man Jenkins and Fister in a burrito-induced coma. Another Taco Bell. Another dead Old Man Jenkins. Another Fister. Except this one also had pizza. Len wasn't aware that all Pizza Huts are spiritually connected. He was now in Kentucky. Len called the police. The news of Old Man Jenkins made the police officer cry. Len was now crying again but his cries were muffled because he was eating pizza. Len choked on the pizza and blacked out. 

 

Generic Newscaster made the world aware of the loss of anime's greatest hero, Old Man Jenkins. Kurenai was eating human flesh from a bowl, watching the news. It was now not 4 a.m. Fister had been spiritually sent back to his house and he was now T-posing. Fister was now wanted for the murder of Old Man Jenkins. He found out when Crazy Frog beatboxed the news to him. There was a knock on the door and no one did anything about it. I'm out of Fister ideas so lets switch characters. 

 

It was now later in the day. The 7/11 gas station which housed many mall goths was full of said mall goths. Why were they not at the mall? Only one person would ask that. And he wouldn't get an answer. This person is Nado. He ran to the 7/11 gas station hoping to drink slurpees and then cry in the parking lot. But that wouldn't happen. The slurpee machine was broken. Nado and Len are very similar. They're unloved orange twinks. Len is probably Nado's friend but it's chapter one and the characters aren't very well developed yet. Nado was standing in line to buy one (1) snickers bar, when he heard the news. The news about Old Man Jenkins. It was at that moment that Nado promised himself that he would not rest until Old Man Jenkins' killer was arrested and the city was safe again. But that won't happen because he isn't the main character. The main character is Old Man Jenkins. And he's dead. In reality no one was responsible for his death, but society demanded someone to blame. Nado, with his aspirations in mind and snickers in hand, exited the 7/11 gas station and was immediately hit by a truck.

somewhere else

"Nya! I have to do something about this sad muwder! I have to save evwyone!" It was Raku-chan. She had also dedicated herself to catching the old man jenkins killer. She had spent her life savings on deep web information websites and even had a full plan written out. 

"I'll be able to hewp... Because I have a twick no one else know about..." Raku-chan plotted.

However, Raku-chan isn't in not us so this subplot ends here.

 

tl;dr old man jenkins is dead and everyone is sad


	2. Fister Gets Sent To Prison

Fister was standing in his room, dabbing. The Goosebumps theme was playing. Fister stopped dabbing. He remembered what Crazy Frog told him. Fister was now wanted for the murder of Old Man Jenkins.

There was nothing he could do about it but eat Taco Bell. Eating Taco Bell was Fister's favorite activity. In this shitty fanfiction it is 70% of his character. 

Fister clipped through the floor and emerged out of the ground in front of the Taco Bell. Except the Taco Bell was no more.

It was now a Wendy's. 

Fister collapsed in defeat. He knew who was responsible for this. Fister was about to declare vengeance when he suddenly remembered the combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell. 

He is now there.

The combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell was also a Wendy's now. Someone magically teleported behind Fister as he cried. Mysterious Teleports Behind You Meme knocked Fister unconscious.

Fister awoke in an interrogation room.

"It was you who killed Old Man Jenkins..." Vilis was suddenly in the same room as Fister. 

"I did naht do it." Fister said in his best Tommy Wiseau voice. Fister was just Tommy Wiseau with shorter, edgier hair. 

Vilis was the best detective in Whatever City This Is, and he was assigned the case of Old Man Jenkins.

"I didn't kill Old Man Jenkins I just wanted some 2am tacos." Fister was still Tommy Wiseau.

Vilis didn't think that Fister was the murderer, there was no evidence to suggest that. But Fister was the only one at the scene of the crime. 

Actually no he wasn't.

Len was there.

But Len had fled the scene before the police arrived. Damn him. 

Fister was sentenced to 68 years in prison. But at his request it was changed to 69. 

Fister began to think about his Xbox and how he would never get to play Dorito Simulator on it. He wanted to cry but he didn't.

 

Vilis sat in the interrogation room as Fister's body levitated to prison. He thought about who really killed Old Man Jenkins. Only Vilis was aware that Len was also present during Jenkins' Demise. But he would never arrest Len. What a bitch.

 

Somewhere else

 

Shirp was reading doujinshis, crying. He was thinking about Snart. Shirp was immediately fined $420 for crying over something other than Old Man Jenkins' death. Shirp refused to pay. Shirp is God. Shirp decides the rules. It was at this moment that Shirp decided to remove all Old Man Jenkins laws and replace them with Shirp laws. His fellow shirp, Shitp, would help him with this. Unfortunately Shitp was caught in a housefire, so he won't be present in the story past this point. 

Shirp returned to his doujinshi, only to find that it had been stolen. Stolen by who? 

I don't know yet. I'll figure it out when I write chapter three.


	3. Fister In Prison. Featuring Wendy's.

Fister opened his eyes, he was probably sleeping but idk. He realized he was now in a prison cell.

"I must be in prison." Fister thought.

He was in prison. 

The cell was like any other prison cell, but this wasn't a normal prison. Fister then noticed the uniform he was now suddenly wearing: a minion costume. Fister cried.

Fister had been wrongly accused of the murder of Old Man Jenkins, and now he had to suffer in Minion Prison. The door to Fister's cell suddenly opened. It was Komaeda, in a sexy minion costume. He was a guard at this prison. for some reason.

Komaeda spoke in a voice like the kidnapper from Nyan Neko Sugar Girls, but bass boosted. 

"It's time you wake up, Fister." Komaeda komaeda'd.

Fister already was awake, and he was already suffering from Taco Bell withdrawal symptoms. Minion Fister was escorted out of his cell and into some other place idk anything about prisons and I refuse to do research for this. 

Minion Fister was about to collapse, he needed Taco Bell. Komaeda noticed this, and brought him food. Wendy's.

"Wendy's is taking over the world. It's the new way of life." Komaeda'd.

"Wendy's? WENDY'S?!" Fister began to scream, his Taco Bell withdrawal was now replaced with rage. At that moment, he realized what he needed to do. What the plot of this anime is. He needed to escape prison and bring Taco Bell back into the world. oh and solve that problem with old man jenkins I could've typed this sentence out better but I don't really want to. 

 

somewhere else

 

Local Wendy's Man, Tetsuro, laughed. His plan for world domination (Wendy's Domination) had begun, and the taco bell god had been imprisoned. No one could stop Wendy's now.

 

back at minion prison

Fister was strapped to a table in the mess hall, being force fed Wendy's. This was his life now, and he refused to accept it. The Wendy's Slaves finished giving Fister his Wendy's and left. But they forgot to untie him so he just sat there. 

Fister thought about his plan to escape. He probably wouldn't be able to do it alone. He needed help. But everyone in minion prison was a little bitch. Especially Kyle. Fucking Kyle. Fister didn't really know what to do so he continued to sit there.

He'll finish thinking up a plan when I write the next chapter.

whenever that is


End file.
